I wanna die instantly.

ah, hello guys. i'm going crazy. no wait, i'm crazy already. i have to be admitted to the mental hospital already. i wanna bang my head on the wall and die instantly.
i wanna die. now that i've told les'partner what i was thinking, my head is hurting even more. ah, self praise is needed sometimes. but i'm going crazy. i don't wanna think so much. i'm always thinking. never once did my brain stop thinking. i'm always thinking. thinking and thinking about him and all kinds of things. ms rokia and so. i think of these problems because it bothers me. i don't know why, the other six don't think so much about it. but i do. it's not nice to have problems. it's impossible to not think of them. but it's not POSSIBLE for me to not think about them. i don't wanna fail any of my tests. i wanna do well for my studies. don't say i'm crazy. but that's the thing all students should do. i wanna listen in class. be attentive. quit smsing during lesson times. quit talking during lesson times. i wanna listen well and hard. get everything in. i don't wanna think about phb. i don't wanna fcuking think about him. i also don't wanna think about nykx. blah ~ i don't wanna think about them. they drive me crazy ! ah, i wanna bang the fcuking wall. i wanna chop my head off. dammit. fuckit. fcukfcukfcuk. this is really driving me crazy. i wanna cry ): i'm not strong as what anyone thinks. i'm not happy like what anyone thinks. i just don't wanna say. i don't wanna say. I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO FCUKING TELL ME WHAT TO DO. i don't want pple to ask me to give up. cause they don't understand. they never will. cause, it was my MEMORIES not theirs. he might have two-timed me. but he did not ill-treat me. he was really nice. i know he's just my second and there are alot more guys. but for now, i just want him. only him. but he seems so far far away. hai, jiayou. i wish you luck in woo-ing her. <3